The Shop

Posted on 28 June 2015

The Shop

How many of you are like me when you go shopping, your little idiosyncrasies like picking a deodorant can from the back, checking eggs to make sure none are broken and checking the use by date on all milk and yoghurt. Everything needs to be scrutinised though the cheapest 1kg block of cheese will have me on most occasions and don’t get me started on trying to buy breakfast cereals. After grabbing a trolley and trying to make a quick start, I always grab the trolley with the dud wheel, which doesn’t make itself known till I’m at the end of the first aisle. No quick turns for this shop as the wheel screeches past the tampon aisle and strangers turn to look (although my wife doesn’t make me suffer having to get these items, it still feels uncomfortable). Okay time to focus as I find the first required item and try to compare the cheapest option per 100grams, while trying to exclude the same labels from the store I am shopping at. Try as I might, I have to walk down every aisle to make sure I don’t miss anything (I mean what if Chicos are only $2 – bargain!).

Why not use a shopping list you ask? Well I’m so busy trying to work out, (while holding a broccoli) whether it’s cheaper at $5 a kilo than a cauliflower at $5 each! I’m also trying to open those ridiculous plastic bags by rubbing it together, like a primitive trying to start a fire. Why does no-one else seem to have this problem! I wish I had the skills of con the fruiterer. I’m almost done and if I hurry I might beat traffic when I always run into the last person I wanted to meet and they want to chat. Of course I want to run (but remember I’ve got that dodgy trolley) as I’m praying for the fire alarm to go off, but I’m too polite not to listen. Finally they stop for breath and I kindly tell them I’ve got to run, yelling over my shoulder that we’ll have to catch up again as I make it into the line-up seconds behind an old lady with a trolley full of cat food. I’m waiting in line until finally it’s my turn and of course since I didn’t have a shopping list, I’ve just put food on the food conveyor belt and at the least opportune time to realise that I’ve forgotten something. This is where I do a quick risk assessment to see how much trouble I’ll be in if I don’t bring it back tonight. She did ask for it, once, no at least twice, still, I decide I’ll take the chance because I’m not lining up again.

The trolley is only half full and in my head I’m guessing what the price will be, but each year my guess seems to be way under what the check-out lady is asking for. As I give her my card I’m then hoping there’s enough money on it and thinking, if not, have I got my credit card on me. Did she charge me the higher price for the apples, they are gala you know! I feel guilty because I was meant to go to the fruit and veg store, but ran out of time. Finally I get the same annoying questions, every time.

Have you had a good day, do you have fly buys, would you like coupons,

any cash out?

Have a nice day.

This is where I wish I had a sign that says, in response to all of the above;

NO, NO, NO,

I’M OUT OF DOUGH,

HOPE YOU HAD A LOVELY DAY, I’VE GOT TO GO!

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