Social Disgraces - The awkwardness of greetings and farewells

Posted on 9 July 2015

Social Disgraces - The awkwardness of greetings and farewells

Another transition from acquaintances to friends and yet another awkward exchange of pleasantries that leaves us wondering how it will go next time? The awkward handshake with the male where one of us tries to do some sort of sequence that has never been practiced before while the other tries to follow suit (too late), only to make it worse. The first hug with the female and of course, (since I’ve been raised that way) a kiss on the cheek naturally follows. Pause, silence (while the elephant makes itself comfortable in the corner of the room) another verbal goodbye and we’re walking to the car, as fast as our legs can go without being rude. Key in ignition, and we’re off, and soon follows the conversation about our natural ungainliness with human interaction.

Goodbyes, I realise are probably even more uncomfortable than their counterpart, the hello. The hello can always be passed off with a “g’day” while you’re raising your beer or a glance away from the footy for a nod of acknowledgement, but for some this isn’t enough. How did we get to these awkward public graces? How did we become so socially inept? In some ways I agree, there should be a protocol in regards to such a general thing as a greeting, but how do you define this? When does a friend become a mate, when should a nod becomes a handshake, when a handshake becomes a special three (or more) step manoeuvre, and when men can hug other men without THAT being awkward! I’ll admit I have male friends that I hug when we meet, from memory I certainly didn’t start the hugging thing, but it is there and it is accepted, so there is no problem. Now that I think of it, these are some of my closest friends. Out west it’s different. If you’ve been there, you’ll know what I’m talking about. A male will offer a handshake on every introduction. Right out there in front, no mucking around, and this is for male and female. This makes a lot of sense when first meeting other males, but anyone who’s shaken hands with a female knows this is just as awkward and lacks any real grace.

Now going back to introductions to females, I think it does take some time (even to remember their name) and in most cases I would say the female should be the one to initiate the hug. Of course I am saying this as a male, and a female may think differently. Just know that even on first hug, my instinct is to give you a kiss on the cheek. Now some females may find this too much and this brings me to the predicament of writing this blog. I am wondering if perhaps some rules can be defined and someone can update me on these to avoid any further social retarded-ness. Don’t consider this set of rules just for me, I can get by with feeling stupid and reciprocating a hug and accidentally brushing a breast (not much more awkward than that) but think of the children who struggle to even look up from their mobile phones. If nothing is done, I will have to join the countless many others who find this all too hard and decide that staying home is the easier option.

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